Love
Love is likely the most talked-about, sought after and prized of all human experiences. As prized as love is, there has always been confusion about what love really is. The Bible speaks about love a great deal, not only love for God, but for you and for others. The wisdom of chapter 13 of I Corinthians could be studied for a lifetime and agreed upon by both Christians and non- Christians. Oddly enough, it does not say a person's worthiness or personality should cause us to love them. Rather, love is portrayed as an active choice, not a passive feeling. Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:44, "Love your enemies and pray for those persecute you," suggesting the emotion of love can be created. If we act lovingly, we begin to feel the emotion of love. Responding to others with patience and kindness, without envy, boasting or pride, without being rude, self-seeking or angry, without being irritable or resentful, without rejoicing in someone else's mistakes, but moreover rejoicing in what is right and good; when we recognize that love always protects (others), always trusts (God), always hopes (for the best) and always perseveres (never allowing those things we believe in to pass away), then we are growing in love. The Bible teaches that this takes place as a deliberate choice, instead of just "happening." As I was musing about what to write, I happened to watch a biography about Janis Joplin. Janis was raised in the Church of Christ. This was not revealed in the biography, but I've known this for years. The Joplins felt that Janis always needed more attention than her younger brother and sister. Her mother said, "She was unhappy and unsatisfied." She loved art and loved to sing Gospel hymns. She was teased a lot in High School; she wasn't ugly, but she was "plain." As a teenager, she befriended a group of outcasts because most kids didn't accept her. Like many teenagers, she rebelled, eventually going to California. The hippy movement called to her and she became a star. She returned to Texas on August 14,1970 for her ten-year High School Reunion, she was flamboyant and even more strange than folks remembered her. Her parents were so embarrassed they left town when she arrived; her classmates were stunned. Janis left, deeply hurt by the whole affair. People all over the world applauded this singer of the "Blues," but those who were really important to her, rejected her once again. Mrs. Joplin told Janis, as she and her husband left town, "she was sorry she ever had her." This was a Christian mother! If we wait until we feel loving, kind, generous, or compassionate, we will never grow beyond our own small prideful world of self-interest. Psychologist Harry Stack Sullivan says, "It is easier to act yourself into a new way of feeling than to feel yourself into a new way of acting." When we choose to act like the kind of person we want to be, we find the emotions begin to follow our actions. This course of action is not pretending to be something you are not, nor is it hypocritical. Rather, it is deliberately setting aside the negative and self-centered feelings which keep you from being your best self. Emotions are changeable and unreliable. Emotions may fuel actions, yet they are not a poor foundation for making good choices. Positive emotions grow out of positive attitudes and actions. Obviously there are many complex components in any relationship. There are factors over which we have no control. Still, we have to start with the truth that no one else can give you love or happiness. Expecting certain persons or situations to create happiness for you can only lead to greater frustration. If you are to have a loving relationship with anyone, you must build love within yourself by examining your attitudes, actions, and then giving that love freely to others. This includes learning to love yourself. If we refuse to examine our own role in relationships and refuse to focus on the actions we can control, we will continue to be frustrated, not only in our relationships but in life in general. Doing the things which nurture love will produce positive changes and enable us to make wise choices that put us more in control of our lives and the future. Spiritual resources are important for a balanced approach to handling any circumstance of life. In a relationship with God, people have the assurance that God is with them always; God loves us even when we are unlovable. I wish Janis Joplin and her parents would have realized they could love each other even though they didn't agree on certain things in their lives. Janis Joplin was a great Blues singer because she lived the Blues; often she numbed her pain with Southern Comfort and drugs, searching for meaning in her life. On Saturday, October 3, Joplin visited a recording studio in Los Angeles to listen to an instrumental track; she would record the vocal the next day. When she failed to show up by Sunday afternoon, her band's road manager drove to the Landmark Motor Hotel; her Porsche was still in the parking lot. He found her dead on the floor; the official cause of death, an overdose of heroin at the age of 27. Janis Joplin wrote a song that didn't get the attention others did, but it told her story perhaps better than any; she titled It So Sad To Be Alone .
The dusty road calls you, come again The dusty road calls you, come again The dusty road calls you, you walk till the end It's sad, so sad to be alone
You look at other people through your tears You look at other people through your tears They know nothing of sorrow, of sadness or fear It's sad, so sad to be alone
You sit and sing in darkened rooms You sit and sing in darkened rooms Your song fills the air with increasing gloom It's sad, so sad to be alone
It's sad, so sad to be alone It's sad, so sad to be alone No friends to help you, no family, no home It's sad, so sad to be alone
I pray we will always realize we have a family and we have a home! I pray that our family and home will welcome each of us as we all try a little harder to love on another.
Bruce Tabor